I even wrote a book about what I learned—and included a final chapter written by the man who took me out on my last-ever first date.
Whether you're creating a new profile or you're a longtime, frustrated online dater, I have some insights that will help make your experience better.
Just today, I was on the phone with a client who was sharing the same experience with me: “ It wasn’t until she showed me one really GOOD email from a guy that she started to get it. But look at the emails you write back to the boring men.
She played along and pushed right back and they’ve already got a first date lined up. “He was so lively and engaging that I sort of had no choice but to come back with something equally witty and creative.” “So by him writing something playful and interesting to you, he actually brought out a more playful and interesting side of you? Wouldn’t it stand to reason that if you took the time to write something interesting and creative back to these guys, you might discover that they actually have a personality?I asked this client what made this email exchange different from the other exchanges. I mean, from the majority of your emails, you sound really boring, too.They scan the room, menu, and table setting, only occasionally making eye contact. The key to having a positive experience is relaxed conversation, and that can be helped along with some well-chosen first-date questions. Biggest clue of all: The salad course is punctuated by strained silence and forced small talk. Before we get to those, let’s review a few general guidelines for dating discourse: Listen as much or more than you talk. I may email again, saying, “If you want to know anything just ask”, etc. It’s that you probably haven’t given her a compelling reason to be. “So if a man can make you into a more engaging person by writing a witty first email, wouldn’t it make sense that you could turn a man into a more engaging person by doing the same?
but I still get no questions in return to start a conversation. If you want to know why your email correspondence online is generally flat and falls apart after a few emails, you have to look in the mirror and take responsibility for your part in it. ” “Yes, but it’s a lot easier when he says something and I can respond to him.” “I agree.
The best communication occurs with an even and equal exchange between two people. Getting to know someone new is like peeling an onion one thin layer at the time. But some people, overeager to get into deep and meaningful conversation, go too far too fast.
Think of conversation as a tennis match in which the players lob the ball back and forth. They ask personal or sensitive questions that put the other person on the defensive. If feeling inhibited is a problem for some people, others go to the opposite extreme: they use a date as an opportunity to purge and vent.
There was just one problem: I didn't want to throw myself back into the dating pool. I wasn't interested in meeting dozens of single men.
I just wanted to find the right man, someone who was perfect for me.
Relax and keep the conversation going with these great questions.